Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Unnatural

So this weekend, we headed to my cousin Tina’s house for a BBQ. She lives some 40 miles from me in the foothills of Northern California. For fun, Craig decided to cycle and meet me there. Let me repeat that…

FOR FUN…Craig decided to cycle and meet me there. Whatever...

FOR FUN…I decided to drive there with cocktail ingredients in hand; Absolut Citron,Triple Sec and lemons.

Once I arrived, I immediately took possession of the martini shaker and proceeded to knock out a few drinks. Cocktails happily in hand, we joined the fellas (my cousin’s husband Rick and their friend Larry) in the living room. For some reason, they were watching a 10 year old James Bond movie. You know, the one where Denise Richards was the nuclear physicist named Christmas Snow. Or was it the one with some other hot chick cast as the brainiac. Does it even matter?

As the drinks continued, we made our way to the pool and chatted while the guys cooled off with a swim. At some point, Tina and I headed back to the kitchen to skewer kabobs and make more drinks… Eventually, Larry’s wife Susie showed up and she was promptly handed a martini. She had some catching up to do.

The guys joined us back in the house and we all started to wonder when Craig would make it up here…and then we saw him coming down the hill. So, all of us liquor lubricated nuts made our way outside to jump up and cheer. Kind of a low-rent Tour De France… The guys went up to welcome Craig and commented; “You look so…bicycle-y.”

When we settled down to eat dinner, my 70 year old aunt joined us. And since the rest of us were in such good “spirits”, she quickly picked up on our energy. However, at some point, the topic of sex came up and my aunt made sexual comments about her daughter and son-in-law (Tina and Rick) and then asked some sex question of Rick. And then there were some other gnarly sex words that came out of her mouth but all I could see were her lips moving in slow motion...

(Insert index fingers into ears and shake your head back and forth while chanting, “LA LA LA LA LA LA LA”…LOUDLY.)

I looked at my aunt and said calmly, “You need to stop talking now. And no more vodka for you…You have lost your dinner talking privileges.”

If you ever need to sober up…QUICKLY, just have your parents or someone in that age vicinity attempt some sex banter. It’s against the laws of nature…


11 comments:

deb said...

that is unnatural! what a funny day.

TavoLini said...

hahahahaha--Tavo has a similar story involving his aunts, sisters and mother!

Mmm...those drinks sounded mighty tasty

buffalodickdy said...

People indulging in adult beverages should never be held accountable-you don't know when things will head south..

Joe said...

For fun? I'm not even sure I would have done that if someone pointed a gun at me.

Ah...Christmas Snow. Good times. Good times indeed.

pinknest said...

lol! ew ew ew.

Sully Sullivan said...

Yikes. Yeah I've been in situations like this.

Actually my girlfriend's mother made quite the comment this past weekend at the cottage after she dove into the lake and her bikini bottoms came down. My girlfriend jokingly said "You better not look down there" to which her mom replied "Oh it's nothing you haven't seen before...just an older version".

Again, yikes.

So...guess what I'm doing this Friday? Going to pick up my brand new puppy. He's a male black pug and he is sexy as fuck. You excited for me? His name is AJ.

Michelle Ann said...

Deb-I am of the belief that may parents and their counterparts have never had sex. I was left on the doorstep...that's my story and I am sticking with it.

Tavolini-I am still in recovery. The drinks were tasted and we ended up using fresh squeezed organic lemonade from Odwalla. YUM!

Buffalo-those kinds of comments will always require accountability. I'm scarred...

Joe-he has a sick idea of fun...I just remember the quote from Denise as she stood in her wet t-shirt, "Let me disconnect the bomb". So believable...

Pinknest- EW EW EW!!!!

Sully-I am in utter denial that I will ever be that age. And I am pretty sure that seeing your girlfriend's mother's "Britney" would cause you to implode.

I am too jealous! I adore pugs. I can't wait to see the pictures. Sexy little devil...

Anonymous said...

Oh Michelle,

You bring me to tears!!!!

Your favorite cousin.

Oh, next time my mom is not invited!

VE said...

Imagine what teens would say about our generation!! ha ha ha

Ellie Mae said...

Oh Michelle, Vodka is what got me into trouble with Virgie on New Year's Eve. It's not a good thing & I agree with you, somethings are better left unsaid. Hope to see you soon!

Tanya Kristine said...

glad i've never experienced that...oh wait...yeah, one time when i was 10, i saw my mom & dad's vaseline jar with a big swipe taken out of it...ew. VASELINE!!!!