Friday, August 15, 2008

Tanya

As many of you know…I have had the sincere pleasure of having Tanya as my cubicle neighbor at work for nearly two years. And in that time, she has become one of my dearest friends; the source of a guaranteed laugh on those rough days. She’s been gunning for a promotional position and was offered and ultimately accepted a promotion to work in a city an hour outside where we live. And although I am totally thrilled that she got the job she wanted, I have been in a bit of denial that she won’t be a part of my “everyday life”. And I have bigger issues than just her lack of presence…

Who is going to partner with me in our utter contempt of Brangelina…okay, mostly just Angelina because we are still on Team Jen (even though we are still confused about the whole John Mayer thing)?

Who am I going to obsess with at 8:00 in the morning about our lunch plans? It does after all; take SEVERAL hours to decide what we will do. Because THIS is the most important decision of any day… We once spent the greater part of a day trying to find a restaurant that served authentic German potato dumplings. Doesn’t everyone? (By the way, we are still looking)

Who else other than me thinks that when people are whispering within earshot, they MUST be talking about us? Isn’t it ALWAYS about us?

Who else, other than me believes that every shampoo, hair serum, conditioner, gel, whatever purchased is going to magically turn our natural curly, frizzy hair into that of the “Oh, Great Evil One”…that bitch, Angelina. It never happens, but we continue to purchase our little “bottles of hope” despite our track record. Damn you Angie!!!

Who am I going to share all of my Jerry Lee and Nadine stories and have the other person actually show interest? Most people give me the standard patronizing, “Oh wow, really?” Kind of the same response I give when people tell me stories about their children. Brutal honesty.

And on the topic of children, who else other than me finds it completely reasonable that there be segregation of adults and children for almost every activity (especially Disneyland)? As we have both said, our tubes tie themselves on the first note of a child’s wail. Why pretend? After all, Tanya is my only friend that was selfless enough to not ruin MY social life by having a child. Thank you.

Who else, other than me, wants to kidnap David Duchovny and hold him as our personal sex slave for eternity, or until the novelty wears off…whatever comes first.

Who else, other than me, thinks vodka is a food group? Shut up…yes it is!

Who else other than me thinks the most perfect evening consists of sitting our ass, with our dogs, on the sofa, a TiVo fully loaded with Forensic Files and a cocktail in hand?

Who else other than me can find the humor in almost ever situation and in some situations where perhaps we should not…? Unless the situation is detrimental to us…then, not so funny.

And, there are very few people other than Tanya that can completely relate to my relationship with my dysfunctional parents (especially our contentious relationships with our mothers), always listen, never judge and make me laugh despite the utter seriousness of the situation. She is part of a network of friends that have filled in those family relationship gaps and created a family that is there of choice, not obligation.

So, it is with great sadness that I accept the inevitable…





9 comments:

garbonzo said...

Sounds like you need to update the questions that are asked during the interview process.

Question 1: tell me your thoughts on the following celebrities...

Question 2: What is your favorite cocktail?

Question 3: Angelina or Jen?

Question 4: Why do you think you would be a good fit for this position?

Tanya Kristine said...

Awww...i almost teared up! and that's not easy to do! funny to see how much we actually have in common when you see in pink and maroon. at least you have evreyone else here...i'll have little boys surrounding me. and that's not a good thing...

fuck angie.

Marc said...

aww...sorry. but you always have this forum, where people like me believe that vodka is a food group and love to hear Jerry and Nadine stories...

Carrie™ said...

Awwwww Michelle. You're gonna make me cry. I believe that vodka is a food group (along with chocolate), I would kidnap David Duchovny with you - the rest of it sounds very interesting ;o) Nights on the sofa with dogs & cocktails is just about my speed. Do you also like making fun of people? Saying downright nasty things and laughing about it? If so, you could move to Canada, get a job at the liquor board and work next to me. Yea! That would be fun. The vodka wall is a sight to behold.

Carrie™ said...

Oh, by the way, the saying nasty things about people and laughing is a sure ticket to go straight to hell. If you think you're already going, then you've got nothing to lose, right?

Olive said...

I am so on Team Jen & I am with ya,John Mayer go figure! I did tear up.
That is a void I am afraid or shoes that can't be filled. :)There is only one T.K. & I like you have shared in the blessing of this funny, quirkey girl. She's a sister to me too.
So did you kick her A for leaving you?

Olive said...

and what a lucky beyotch a whole post about her!

buffalodickdy said...

Funny how you realize you sometimes spend more time with fellow workers than you do with family...

Joe said...

First, congratulations Tanya.

Now on to my general observations:

1. The over/under on the novelty of David Duchovny as a sex slave is likely to be around six hours.

2. Vodka is made from potatoes and potatoes are food ergo vodka is a food. Extend that to various flavors of vodka and you have what constitutes a food group. QED as the Brits say.