Thursday, December 21, 2006

Top Story Today: The Resurrection of the Beauty Queen and the Downfall of a Media Whore

Actually, it was the story of the week....There has been a huge controversy over the alleged misconduct of the reigning Miss USA, Tara Conner. Apparently, the 20 year old Kentucky native has been spotted partying and drinking in nightclubs in New York, sharing lesbian kisses with Miss Teen USA and sneaking men into her Trump Tower apartment for late night liaisons. (Obligatory "Oh My!!" goes here) The scandal has divided the country and has been the number one topic of water cooler chatter. It has even ignited a war of the words between Donald Trump and the last person who should represent the voice of the American people: Rosie O'Donnell. It seems that all of Trump's marriage, divorce, and financial woes were open to the assault of Ragin' Rosie. It is unclear what correlation Rosie found between Trump's personal business and the ultimate fate of Miss USA 2006, but needless to say the freedom to express yourself and practice your lifestyle are only available if you are on board Rosie's platform.

Anyway....back to the scandal. The Donald and the pageant committee had many closed door meetings to determine the fate of Ms. Conner's future. Would she be dethroned? Would she be stripped of her sash and crown? Would the reputation of the pageant ever be restored? Do we care???? Of course, there are things we should keep in mind.....Trump is a business man who has rarely used a moral compass to navigate his way through life and everyone loves a comeback story. So, The Donald calls a press conference to announce that he will be giving Ms. Conner another chance to redeem herself and to restore this antiquated contest to its original glory of objectifying women and coining the phrase, "I wish for world peace". Of course, when I heard the details of Tara's alleged misconducted, two things came to mind.

1. This is the most accurate representation of the post adolescent American woman since 1984 when naughty nude pictures of Miss America, Vanessa Williams surfaced in Penthouse.

2. This nationwide "scandal" is the very reason that terrorists continue to target our country.

Mastering the skill to spray hairspray on your ass to keep your bathing suit from visiting the nether region and floating like a butterfly on stage while wearing 70 pounds of sequins does not qualify you to represent the American woman nor does it require you to set the moral standard in this country or in the world. The majority of 20 year old women in this country are not being followed by a swarm of paparazzi nor having their every move monitored by a pageant committee. (Thank god that this was not an issue I ever had to deal with....we would have had to call a press conference every week)

So, we should thank Trump and Tara for reminding us that we spend way too much time obsessing on stories like theirs (including this post). Although our country has been divided by this tragedy, we are united in our ever growing disdain for the real villain in this story.....Rosie O'Donnell. In the last 7 weeks she has managed to set herself on Donald Trump's lawsuit radar, offend the Asian community by her utter lack of sensitivity in using the term "ching-chong" to mock the Chinese language, participated in an on-air battle with Kelly Ripa, kicked Clay Aiken out of the closet and insulted her very own boss, Barbara Walters by insinuating that Ms. Babs is not very down to earth.... The delicious ride of Rosie O'Donnell's that is something that will unite America.

Addition to today's post......
I struggle just like everyone trying to determine who and when one should throw out the social life vest when someone has so very gracefully inserted their foot into their mouth. Case in point.....(by the way, co-worker small talk is the most painful thing I have yet to experience) So, here we are...a gaggle of office workers waiting for our opportunity to pounce on the potluck goodies laid out in an effort to celebrate the holiday spirit, desperately making the most excruciating small talk in an attempt to shave some time off the clock. During the small talk, one office worker notices that another office worker has had a change in appearance and inquires if they have cut or colored their hair..."something looks different about you but I can't put my finger on it". The majority of the gaggle has stopped mid small talk to internally gasp as they look on at the impending car crash..... But, "oblivious office worker" continues to swallow said foot down said throat. Does this person not realize that the other has had a major health crisis and that the change in their appearance is a result of their medical treatment and not a day at the spa???? This brings me to my original question....who rescues the oblivious offender? Should I? Or must they serve some sort of social penance for their faux paux comparable to being placed in social purgatory where you are largely ignored and avoided for the remainder of the day??? I choose the later.... I admit it, I am a coward. Perhaps I was comforted in the knowledge that this person is known for their generally lack of tact and the offensive word vomit would largely be ignored and categorized as "consider the source". Either way you look at it, there is not one socially gracious way to remove anyone from such an uncomfortable situation. It's moments like these that make me an advocate for serving cocktails at work....