First off…I must say that although he drives me absolutely crazy, I do love my father. However, most alcoholics are not lovable, or adorable, or even tolerable. And ever since my mother passed away in 2006, my father has been the proverbial thorn in my ass. He’s retired, owns a blind, ill-tempered Chihuahua, has no friends that I am aware of and has managed to alienate the majority of his family and my mother’s family. You guessed it….that leaves dear old me. My father is a BIG fan of the drink and dial and he will call several times in a very short period. I never answer these calls. I just don’t have it in me… Of course, my father will leave messages…many messages thick tongued with brandy, rambling and long. I guess in my way of dealing with having an alcoholic parent, I find many of these messages down right funny. I know what you are thinking. It’s sad, it’s a cry for help, it’s serious. Yes, it is all these things but it’s also NEVER going to change. In the 39 years I have been on this planet, it has always been this way. Humor is my way of coping and so I occasionally save these messages…. Recently I received this message at 12:30 am:
Dad: Hey schweetheart this is dad…I know yooour not gonna anshwer.
My internal response: Nothing gets by him…
Dad: I bought a mortabello mushroom and your mom told me how to cook it but I forgot.
My internal response: Is there a new strain of mushroom? Did he just buy the mushroom at 12:30 in the morning or did he just decide to cook it? Is my dad smoking pot now???
Dad: Udder than that, itsh not reeally important… jussh want to find out if youreallright, your healths and everything.
My internal response: Sleep deprivation is my current health issue. Could be related to the drink and dial calls I receive….
Dad: I’m good.
My internal response: I just bet you are…