Scene: Very cold Saturday morning at home
Characters: Me (nursing a MONSTER headache) and my two pups
Outfits: Me, a very old, much worn, practically see-thru tank top paired with skimpy (they were a few sizes ago[1]) cotton drawstring shorts complete with a large bleach spot down the front. One word, SEX. Pups, fur coats as usual…
The three of us (Nadine, Jerry Lee and myself) are all bundled on the couch under our fleece blankey watching a Cold Case marathon and munching on popcorn. From outside I can hear the mail being dropped in our mail box. Now, my dilemma. Do I go out in my "barely there" outfit and run the risk of someone seeing me, a neighboor, a friend...George Clooney? Or, do I throw on a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt? Of course, this would require that I go ALL the way down the hallway, rummage in the closet and the dresser and ultimately the laundry basket because I am incapable of folding much less putting away my clean clothes. Oh yeah, might have forgot to mention that it looked like I styled my hair with a hand mixer…think Amy Winehouse.
Fuck it; the mail box is 5 feet from my front door. So as I defiantly head out my front door, I come face to face with my next door neighbor. He received some of our mail in error…something I am sure he is truly unhappy about, now. So far, this laziness thing isn’t working out so well.
Characters: Me (nursing a MONSTER headache) and my two pups
Outfits: Me, a very old, much worn, practically see-thru tank top paired with skimpy (they were a few sizes ago[1]) cotton drawstring shorts complete with a large bleach spot down the front. One word, SEX. Pups, fur coats as usual…
The three of us (Nadine, Jerry Lee and myself) are all bundled on the couch under our fleece blankey watching a Cold Case marathon and munching on popcorn. From outside I can hear the mail being dropped in our mail box. Now, my dilemma. Do I go out in my "barely there" outfit and run the risk of someone seeing me, a neighboor, a friend...George Clooney? Or, do I throw on a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt? Of course, this would require that I go ALL the way down the hallway, rummage in the closet and the dresser and ultimately the laundry basket because I am incapable of folding much less putting away my clean clothes. Oh yeah, might have forgot to mention that it looked like I styled my hair with a hand mixer…think Amy Winehouse.
Fuck it; the mail box is 5 feet from my front door. So as I defiantly head out my front door, I come face to face with my next door neighbor. He received some of our mail in error…something I am sure he is truly unhappy about, now. So far, this laziness thing isn’t working out so well.
[1] Women can discern the age of an item of clothing by its size
12 comments:
Running right into a half dressed woman, is a gift from God!
I am still stuck at skimpy and see thru......
Call me crazy, but I somehow don't think your neighbor's unhappy about receiving your mail that day. I'm thinking quite the opposite.
Buffalo-I should have added that I hadn't made myself the least presentable that morning. I walked out the door sans my war-paint...so not pretty.
Doggy-skimpy on me at my age should be a crime. I gave up skimpy 10 years ago unless I am alone with my dogs. They have to love me or they won't get fed.
T-Yes, fully made up and ready to roll may have been worth some returned mail, but I wasn't even close.
If you think guys are looking at your nails when you're half dressed- you don't know guys at all!
if you think guys are wondering about your mascara you are equally wrong...
hahaha, this kind of thing happens to me all the time. and i never seem to learn!
I'm going to go ahead and guess that the neighbor is praying for more icorrectly delivered mail.
jesus. i go to starbucks that way.
Buffalo, Doggy and Joe-although I know what men are primarily looking at, I still feel compelled to give them a "better show" so to speak. :)
Pink-I would LOVE to see a post of you in the same "hot water"...although I am sure you would work the food angle in somehow...thank god for that! :)
Tanya-we may need to work on that if we are trying to find your new ex-boyfriend. JUST KIDDING!!!
My new neighbor saw my entire crotch, that my husband was filming in our front yard.
http://thebloggess.com/?p=206
It could be worse.
Bleach spots are tres sexy. Angelina - WATCH OUT!
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