Vent

I am insane. I am insane because the definition of insanity is doing the same action over and over again expecting a different result. Now, here is where I vent. I love Craig. However, he can piss me off like you would not believe. And it is usually the same song and dance over and over again. Case in point, today he emails me at work this simple sentence:

“By the way my car window broke so I need to park in the garage until I get it fixed ok? Love, Craig”

No explanation, no interesting story to preclude the sentence. Now, maybe this type of communication makes sense to men. But to women, not so much.

So, I call him to find out what happened. Was he in an accident? Did a tree fall on the car? Did someone break the window to steal the car or its contents?

He picks up and I say, “Hey Sweetie, so what happened?”

Impatient and grouchy he answers, “I don’t know” (AGAIN, NO INFORMATION)

“Are you okay?”

“No, my window is broken, it’s pushed through” (I swear, I felt like Viet Cong trying to interrogate a POW)

“Glad you’re okay…so what happened; it’s not broken?”

“FUCK, how the hell am I supposed to know?” (Just for the ignorant or the deaf dumb and blind, this is where he blew it…)

“You know what? I called to see if you are okay and what happened and none of that excuses your response. It’s just not acceptable and I won’t allow it. It's fucked up”

“Well dammit, I told you I didn’t know and then you hound me about what happened” (Please dear god, just tell me he took a VERY LARGE handful of Idiot Pills before this call)

“Oh yes now I remember…how silly of me to have forgotten... I had passed my minimum of one question concerning your well-being… You have yourself a great little day and I’ll see you at home. Bye."

So, this isn’t the first time I have had a "conversation" like this, it probably won’t be the last one and I will forge ahead expecting a different outcome on the next one…insane.

patience is not my virtue

Last night I was tinkering in our garden trying to take some pictures around dusk. I was getting completely frustrated… You see, a few months back I borrowed then purchased a used Canon 17-85mm image stabilizing lens off of my friend. If you have never tried image stabilizing lenses…DON'T, unless you plan to purchase one because you will NEVER be the same. I was hooked from the moment I had first borrowed it and when he offered to sell it to me, I thought I would just die.

Well, last week he asked if he could borrow the lens because he was the official photographer for some big poker tournament in Las Vegas hosted by former NBA player Chris Webber. Of course I let him borrow it; after all he had loaned it to me. Well this was supposedly, some celebrity laden event…. A photographer friend we have in common had already seen the shots from the event and said, “There are some great shots of Gladys Knight”.

Wait, I’m sorry…when was the last time that Gladys Knight was relevant? And, no mention of the Pips not even one Pip. And, the BIGGEST travesty...no mention of my lens.

So back to my frustration… I was using the other lenses I had last night and they were just not cutting it. I missed my baby, my lens. There I was in the garden barefoot, my camera loaded on my tripod, wine glass in one hand while muttering to myself about the lameness of the lens and the shitty lighting. At this point, Craig poured more wine into my glass and quietly retreated into the house. Sometimes, he is the smartest human being on the planet…hands down.

After my unfulfilling evening of shooting, I text messaged my friend in the morning inquiring if he had returned…no response. I emailed him (we work at the same place)…no response. I email our photographer friend (he also works at the same place); to which I did get a response that yes, my lens stealing friend was at work, no he had not seen my lens and then off he went talking about those damn Gladys Knight pictures. In the immortal word of Doggybloggy…harmpf!

Okay, at this point I am expecting a ransom note. I checked the official website for the poker tournament…maybe he just got in this morning. Nope…July 25-27. Today is the 29th. WHERE IS MY LENS?????!!!!

Look, just return the lens and no one gets hurt. Oh yeah, and you might want to bring a bottle of wine to show your immense gratitude. Just call Craig, he'll help you out.

So...

I recently read an article on CNN that states a study has found that women on antidepressants may receive a benefit from the self use of Viagra. But before I could reach for the phone and give my doctor a call…I read further. The article states, since antidepressants slow down sex drive, the addition of Viagra would not change that. However, if you somehow found yourself “in the mood”, the benefit comes to you (pun intended) via your orgasm.

So, let me get this straight…you poor little depressed girl, you may not want to have sex and that little pill that is helping your sunny disposition will further send your sex drive in the toilet. But, on the off chance you find yourself in the “undercover hustle”, you may just have a happy ending and not find yourself crying in a fetal position in the corner. Aren’t emotionally challenging women fun??

Of course, our friends at the FDA aren’t planning on approving the use of Viagra for female sexual dysfunction. Hey fellas, you might want to think that over. We now have many 80 year old men (Hugh Hefner…ewh) with the sustainable woody of a 20 year old male and much of the female population on antidepressants with no product in sight to increase their libidos… So technology and advancement hasn’t gotten us that far. I go back to the basics…This girl sticks with “Old Reliable”…vodka.

for the love of a dog

As I had stated in a previous post, I will always try to pick up a stray dog if I spot one. I keep myself armed with an extra leash and treats if the opportunity presents itself. Well, this week it did. After much discussion and whining, I agreed to go to the store to pick up some wine and an avacado. On my way there, a little dog ran out into the street twice and narrowly missed becoming road kill. In front of two police cruisers, I pulled an illegal u-turn and followed the dog down a street. She was scared and a little manic, but after many treats I was able to coax her into my car. Unfortunately, she did not have a collar...So, I dropped her off at home with Craig and went back to get the wine. I do have my priorities...

When I got back home, I immediately placed an ad on Craigslist, one in the local paper and provided her information to a local pet finder service. Sadly, there was NO ONE looking for her. Since the housing market took a dump, people have taken to abandoning their pets or surrending them to a local shelter. I took one of Nadine's old collars and a name tag and put them on "Dog" just in case she got loose again. Nadine and Jerry showed her the ropes and played with her in the backyard.

The next morning, I took a few pictures of her and sent out an email to all my "dog lover" friends and asscoiates. By the end of the day, I had 4 people that wanted her. I was thrilled. My friend Donna was first to respond and desperately wanted to meet her. Last night, I took little "Dog" to meet with Donna, her two young sons, her husband and the other two family dogs. "Dog" fit in perfectly and Donna and Hal decided to keep her. Of course they know that if "Dog's" owners contact me, they may have to return her. As of today, there has been no response to any of my ads and I have not seen an ad placed looking for her. And that is a good thing because Donna emailed me today and told me her family has fallen in love with her and named her Abby Grace.

My attempt to make the world a better place, one dog at a time...

Introducing, Ms Abby Grace

cheap thrills

So, there is this Reno trip that many people I work with sign up for every July. For $35.00 per person you get a stay for two nights, all the alcohol you can drink and a sit down banquet dinner. There are a few catches; you have to gamble in their casino at least 4 hours each of the two days and the casino isn’t the hippest swankiest place. What a deal!!!

So, my cousin and I headed up there after work on Friday. Once we arrived, I picked up my envelope of debauchery and quickly found our hotel room. It was past 8:00 pm by the time we arrived so we decided to hit the buffet which was serving all you can eat New York Strip cooked to order. On our way to the buffet we stopped by the nearest bar and picked up our first of many complimentary drinks of the weekend. (in order to make life easy, you are provided with a name tag to wear the entire weekend to identify yourself as a VIP and be handed free drinks) Dinner was a little tacky but delicious none the less. We got in about 3 hours of our required 4 hours of gambling and many complimentary drinks. I think I fell in love…all the Kettel One I can drink? Are you kidding? I now pronounce you Vodka and Wife.

My "passport to drunkeness"

The next morning we took a short walk across the street and drank a leisurely cup of coffee at Starbucks before we went to breakfast. We were starving. They had a Mel’s Diner in the casino and it seemed like a safe bet (non pun intended). When our breakfast arrived, it was cold, stone cold. And, I had ordered a biscuit without the gelatinous gravy, but there my biscuit sat drowning under the weight of the gravy mass. So, I asked for another biscuit. And she NEVER came back until the very end and was surprised that I no longer wanted my biscuit. I had some ideas on what she could do with it, but I refrained. So, we went up to pay the bill and when the manager asked how everything was. I was honest; “our meal tasted great, but it was stone cold”. He stated that he would take care of our entire bill and hoped that we would return. ANOTHER FREE THING ON MY CHEAP WEEKEND!!!! Yeah!

Anyway, more gambling, more drinking, more eating and a trip to the local Costco was on the agenda for the afternoon. We decided to soak before getting ready for our banquet dinner and this required another trip to the bar…lemon drops and bottled water. So, in the hot tub we soaked the toxins out of our systems and I sweated away my Kettel One. After we got ready, we went early to the banquet to buy our raffle tickets, pick our table and of course, take advantage of the hosted cocktail hour, hour and half, two hours. Who’s counting, really?

We ended up sitting with the sweetest Japanese family at dinner and had a great time. For dinner cocktails we had margaritas on the rocks with Patron floaters… Dinner was delicious but we didn’t win any of the gift and cash raffle items during dinner.

After dinner, we headed down to gamble and wait for the 3 additional raffle drawings. On the second drawing, my cousin won $50.00 in chips. YEAH! More cocktails, a trip to the cashiers and up to our room to crash for the evening.

We decided to head to Mel’s again for our breakfast and things were infinitely better… After breakfast we packed it up and headed home.

Reno is hardly a place I would frequent on a normal basis, but for $35.00, free drinks, a free dinner and raffle prizes, I can make an exception.

Adios Reno, until next year.