I for one love progress. Its great to see progressive thought regarding sex, politics, religion...the list goes on. But progress has it downside. Case in point; I was watching the Style Network last night and this commercial came on.
Now given my more liberal views, I was kind of surprised that this commercial disturbed me. Apparently, masturbation is no longer a taboo subject AND apparently, women your mother’s age are getting busy AND TALKING ABOUT IT WITH PERFECT STRANGERS. Ewh.
I think I actually miss the days of I Love Lucy and those puritanical twin beds.
So, Craig had to take off and tend to his family. He left last night and although I have complained since he was laid off that I am seeing WAY too much of him, as the door shut behind him I felt sad…for a second. Then it occurred to me, OH MY GOD…I HAVE THE HOUSE ALL TO MYSELF!!!!!
My head started to spin trying to think of all the things that I could do… You would think that I was 15 years old and my parents just announced that they are leaving me alone for the weekend. As much as I love Craig, the man never rests. He hits the ground running each and every day. And for some reason….all his activities are VERY noisy. He grinds his coffee each morning…a fine grind that requires him to press that goddamn button for an ETERNITY. Since our house has mostly wood floors, tiptoeing around for the consideration of others (uhm) is impossible. After his first cup of coffee, he is out the door with the dogs in tow to tend to the vegetable garden. This is followed by stretching, leashing the dogs up and out for the morning run. Back at home, more stretching, crunches and weights. Breakfast usually involves two bowls of cereal (and two visits to the kitchen) which he eats in the bedroom while watching ESPN. While all this is going on, the dogs stay right on his heels so the three of them end up sounding like Santa and his ever energetic reindeer with each “ching-ching” of their collars. At this point, the morning quiets down to a low roar and he practices guitar for a few hours before he gears up for a 40-mile bike ride. And you might ask what I am doing during this flurry of activity…. I am quietly sitting on the couch with my coffee watching the Food Network and incessantly praying that he will be struck by acute narcolepsy and drop down for a 5 hour nap. Peace and quiet is not part of our mornings in the house. Not only is the activity disruptive, the whole thing makes me feel as if I am playing hooky even though it’s my day off; like somehow I should have raised a barn in the hour and half since I have been awake. Doesn’t everybody?
So, two full free days stretch before me and the peace in the house is like fresh air. Although, Jerry and Nadine look as though they may NEVER recover from the absence of Craig. I swear if they could talk they would have asked him last night, “You’re leaving us with her? Who’s going to take us on our two 5-mile runs? She runs like a…GIRL and she makes us watch Forensic Files.”
Yes, my dears I will make you watch Forensic Files but I will also be ordering pizza and getting Chinese take-out. Who’s your daddy now?
