the holy land...with coffee

As a self proclaimed foodie shopaholic, nothing makes me happier than a store, better yet, a mall that satisfy both of these identities... Sur La Table opened this week in Roseville, a mere 20 miles away. To say I am estatic, is an understatement. I have been a huge fan of this store since I visited the original location at Pike's Market in Seattle 10 years ago.

And the good news keeps coming... A Whole Foods Market is near completion just steps away from Sur La Table. I know, my head is spinning from just the thought. Knowing their core audience, they kindly placed a Peet's Coffee in between. I nearly pee'd myself.

Now, I think I need a second job to support my addictions... Maybe I should apply at Sur La Table...

growing up and hitting bottom

Sometimes, I feel like an island. And the older I get, the truer that statement becomes. Very few people are close to me and it breaks my heart, but that is how it is. When I am hurt by others I take it in and then go…quiet. One of my friends said, “When Michelle is unhappy with you, she will retreat and then go silent”. This is so utterly true, that until she said it, I had no idea. I still put myself out there and take the risk, but as I get older, my willingness to do so has greatly diminished.

Yesterday was a really really hard day for me and it was one of those island days. I haven’t spoken to my father since his last incident and yesterday found me at the precipice of should or shouldn’t I. Ultimately, I didn’t call him. It was the first time in my whole life that I failed to recognize my father on this day. And I cried (huge hyperventilating sobs). My face stung from all my tears…I missed my mom and I missed my dad and I was just enormously sad. But, I just felt that if I had reached out, he would continue to hurt me and I know that I can’t deal with that anymore…In reality, I had no choice; it was him or me.

My family didn’t call…I didn’t expect them to, hell, maybe I did. No one called. The day was silent. Craig was at a loss on what to do for me; my family issues are way beyond what he has ever seen or experienced. I felt very alone. And even if my cousin weren’t on vacation, she may have given me some tough love which is understandable but was the last thing that I needed. So, I did my laundry for work, made sure my things were gathered for the next day, set my alarm and it was business as usual…quiet. So, this little island was battered and sad, but strong. I did not buckle, I did not do what was expected, I did not like it, but even if my dad has not hit rock bottom, I have.

things I know…

I will never be “put together”… I will always have at least one thing (many things) in need of attention; a dirty car, a cluttered email inbox, chipped glasses and cracked plates, silverware that has been to the bad side of the garbage disposal, a garden in desperate need of weeding, an "at capacity" garage where I put everything to give the illusion that I am “put together”. On the other hand, I ALWAYS have a laundry list of chores and goals.

I will never complete reading a book in a timely fashion. At minimum, I have 3 or more books in various states of completion and several that I have purchased over the years that I have yet to read. On the other hand, if I were bedridden, I would definitely have a way to pass the time.

I will never finish writing my book…or any of the other half started novels currently housed on my computer. And when I read them again, I can never recall the story arc that I was going for. On the other hand, I can surprise myself with some witty thing that I had written when I was on a roll and buzzed on cocktails.

I will never have clean closets. To be honest, I am a bit of a Tasmanian Devil when it comes to looking for something and everything left in the wake is tossed about and finds a new place in the closet. On the other hand, the closet is like an undiscovered country full of treasures that I had forgotten that I had purchased.

I will always give a new CD a chance. Even if I purchase a CD for one song, it will go on a steady rotation on my Ipod so I may discover other songs to love. On the other hand, I would love to have some of the time and money back that I have wasted giving some CD the opportunity to amaze me with its genius.

I will always come to the rescue or provide assistance to my friends regardless of the time of day. My friends are my family and they are important. On the other hand, this has come to burn me in the past and brought me to great tears. When it has been truly recognized and appreciated it has also brought me to great tears.

I will always stop for a stray dog. Regardless of the surroundings, where I am going or what I may be doing, this is just something I live by. You will always find an extra dog leash and treats in my car, just in case. On the other hand, it has forced me to sprint back to my car for fear of having my head gnarled open by an ill tempered pooch. And everyone knows that I DO NOT run.

I will always cook too much food and serve dessert when you are invited to my home for dinner. In the immortal words of Frank Constanza from Seinfeld, "And who doesn't serve cake after a meal? What kind of people? Would it kill them to put out a pound cake? Something!" Amen Frank! On the other hand, since I cook too much food, I also make too much dessert and will inevitably, eat it by myself, late at night, perhaps in one sitting.

I will always have a greeting card for every occasion, well almost. Over the years, I have gone on greeting card splurges and will pick them up for no reason at all. On the other hand, in my collected stash, some have lost their humor, edge and/or sentiment as time goes by and they quickly go back to the bottom of the pile.

So, these are some of the things I absolutely know about myself… Tell me some of yours!

everything old is new again...?

I am 9 months away from my 40th birthday. And as of today, this little fact does not bring me to my knees. However, my body insists on returning to adolescence… Recently, I have been getting acne…not exactly what we called “pizza face” in the day, but disturbing none the less. Lucky me, I will get the zit that comes from all the other zits gathering together to form one HUGE zit. I swear they have roots and a pulse. There isn’t enough make up in the world that will cover one of these babies. Although I am seriously considering one of those scarves…so the only thing visible would be my eyes.

That's me, crying in the middle

In addition to the acne, I was recently informed that I had 2 cavities… Yes, two cavities. How the hell? So, yesterday as I sat in the dental chair with the sound of the drill to my teeth and bits flying in the air, I felt shameful and scared. I tried to close my eyes so I wouldn’t see the doctor coming toward me with any sharp instruments… But occasionally, I would see this….

Now, it’s not fair to have acne, cavities and hot flashes all at the same time. I’ll take two, but not three. If I am going in reverse and forward at the same time, by my calculations, I shouldn’t be aging any further. Yeah!

God, I hope I don’t have to lose my virginity all over again... However, I could certainly improve on that experience...