Thursday, December 28, 2006
Many years ago, a gay couple that I am very good friends with had recently added to their family. He was a beautiful Dalmatian with blue eyes named Orbit. We would load Orbit into the car and drive down to the high rent district of midtown and walk the dog. Of course, we were exercising dear Orbit, but it was a great excuse to peer into the windows of those much more privileged than ourselves. Sometimes we would circle a block several times if a certain house and its inhabitants peaked our interest. I realize that this was my first foray into the “reality watching” world. I love watching people, we are a fascinating bunch.
Last night, I indulged in an episode of Bridezillas followed by Top Chef. I sat on the couch shocked at the behavior of the bride named Marsha. There aren’t words in the English language to accurately describe this woman. No one would stick around long enough to try. She was awful. I was hooked. At one point, she made the groom cry…cry on national television for everyone to see. And still, he was moving forward with the wedding plans. Apparently, I had caught the second in a three episode arch featuring this particular bride. I didn’t think I could stand a minute more of the tongue lashing that she was inflicting on dear Archie. So, I pressed the selection button on the remote to find upcoming episodes so I could Tivo the next installment. I couldn’t help myself. Needless to say, Top Chef couldn’t hold a candle to what I had just witnessed. So what if someone’s risotto was overcooked and under-seasoned or someone was a bit heavy handed with the balsamic. Poor Archie just had his pair ripped off by Marsha in the Tony Roma’s parking lot. Doesn’t anybody care????!!!!
You see, I had the family that other people watched from their front door. Let’s just put it this way, my mother and father were not very fond of one another and made no attempt to hide this information from me or anyone else. So, there is a reason that I am compelled to watch these meltdowns much in the same way that our neighbors watched ours as they said, “I would never do that, I would never say that, I am so much better than these people….I feel sorry for these people.” I clean my conscience with the knowledge that all of these reality TV participants are volunteering and compensated for their on air humiliation. So, I watch in shock, sometimes in disbelief knowing that basically I am a Peeping Tom on a global scale. Until I see a case of Reality TV addiction on the next episode of Intervention (by the way, a great reality show on A&E) I will manage my habit on my own….maybe in a healthier way….people watching outside the local Java City and reading other people’s blogs. This is my therapy for these economically challenged times.
Happy People Watching!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
If looks could kill......
Smiling through the pain......
Wrestling with the family pet to capture a moment of humiliation.....priceless.
After we completed our "photo session" it was off to bed. Christmas morning was on the horizon and I was dying to see what goodies I had waiting for me. Craig was the first out of bed in the morning after Jerry Lee made it a point to jump on the bed to lick, chew and scratch every available space on his body and my very "subtle nudges" with my foot were not making him stop. Soon I could hear the coffee grinder and that wonderful smell made its way down the hall. I drifted in and out of sleep until Jerry decided to perform an encore of his act.... Fine, I was getting up. However, once I was up with my coffee in hand, Craig went back to bed to catch up on ESPN. WHAT?????!!!!!!!! I bounded down the hall...."Aren't we opening presents?" He tells me he needs to wake up first, blah, blah blah..... Truly, the rest was lost on me. I wanted to open presents and unless he was telling me that, I heard nothing. Finally, after an hour, Craig finds his way back to the living room to open presents. Of course, the dogs opened some of their gifts first.....nice big squeaky noisy balls that they chased around. Yeah! At least that was one way to wake Craig up. We took turns opening our gifts and I can honestly say that both of us did very well for each other... I bought Craig an IPOD Shuffle, a subscription to Guitar Techniques Magazine, a watch, and cycling gear. My bounty is displayed below...
A Reserve bottle of Cab...paired with one of four Riedel Sommlier Grand Cru Burgundy glasses!!!!!
Beauty Goodies from Orgins....he knows me so well
A Columbia microfiber polar fleece....Now, that the festivities are all over, I have a case of the blues. However, Valentine's Day is just around the corner.....I feel some hint dropping coming on.
Here's to a Happy New Year!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Okay, so maybe I am expecting too much... And maybe, just maybe, by putting Craig's gifts out so early for him to see, it caused gift anxiety and gift peer pressure. But, doesn't he realize how happy he will make me if I had my own gifts to treasure, touch, shake, hold up to the light, steam open the tape, use and re-wrap????
I wracked my brain trying to remember what hints I had given him over the last few months.... A new chef's knife? Gucci perfume? Wine glasses? The anticipation is killing me! However, my competitive nature has now kicked in and I want my presents to him to kick ass over his presents to me. Deep down I want to show that I know him better than he knows me. Is anybody following this??? Probably not.
I just spoke to him a few minutes ago and before I hung up the phone I wished him "happy gift wrapping" Too obvious??? He gave a nervous chuckle, mumbled something about the weather and ended the call. I don't think he took me seriously. There has apparently been a break down in communication or he has lost his copy of "The Perfect Man Manual". If another day passes without a present, he will need to fall back on the old stand by..."would you like some wine?"...usually said in a tone that one would use when trying to tame a rabid dog. At the rate this is going, I anticipate full inebriation for the next three days......
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Anyway....back to the scandal. The Donald and the pageant committee had many closed door meetings to determine the fate of Ms. Conner's future. Would she be dethroned? Would she be stripped of her sash and crown? Would the reputation of the pageant ever be restored? Do we care???? Of course, there are things we should keep in mind.....Trump is a business man who has rarely used a moral compass to navigate his way through life and everyone loves a comeback story. So, The Donald calls a press conference to announce that he will be giving Ms. Conner another chance to redeem herself and to restore this antiquated contest to its original glory of objectifying women and coining the phrase, "I wish for world peace". Of course, when I heard the details of Tara's alleged misconducted, two things came to mind.
1. This is the most accurate representation of the post adolescent American woman since 1984 when naughty nude pictures of Miss America, Vanessa Williams surfaced in Penthouse.
2. This nationwide "scandal" is the very reason that terrorists continue to target our country.
Mastering the skill to spray hairspray on your ass to keep your bathing suit from visiting the nether region and floating like a butterfly on stage while wearing 70 pounds of sequins does not qualify you to represent the American woman nor does it require you to set the moral standard in this country or in the world. The majority of 20 year old women in this country are not being followed by a swarm of paparazzi nor having their every move monitored by a pageant committee. (Thank god that this was not an issue I ever had to deal with....we would have had to call a press conference every week)
So, we should thank Trump and Tara for reminding us that we spend way too much time obsessing on stories like theirs (including this post). Although our country has been divided by this tragedy, we are united in our ever growing disdain for the real villain in this story.....Rosie O'Donnell. In the last 7 weeks she has managed to set herself on Donald Trump's lawsuit radar, offend the Asian community by her utter lack of sensitivity in using the term "ching-chong" to mock the Chinese language, participated in an on-air battle with Kelly Ripa, kicked Clay Aiken out of the closet and insulted her very own boss, Barbara Walters by insinuating that Ms. Babs is not very down to earth.... The delicious ride of Rosie O'Donnell's downfall....now that is something that will unite America.
Addition to today's post......
I struggle just like everyone trying to determine who and when one should throw out the social life vest when someone has so very gracefully inserted their foot into their mouth. Case in point.....(by the way, co-worker small talk is the most painful thing I have yet to experience) So, here we are...a gaggle of office workers waiting for our opportunity to pounce on the potluck goodies laid out in an effort to celebrate the holiday spirit, desperately making the most excruciating small talk in an attempt to shave some time off the clock. During the small talk, one office worker notices that another office worker has had a change in appearance and inquires if they have cut or colored their hair..."something looks different about you but I can't put my finger on it". The majority of the gaggle has stopped mid small talk to internally gasp as they look on at the impending car crash..... But, "oblivious office worker" continues to swallow said foot down said throat. Does this person not realize that the other has had a major health crisis and that the change in their appearance is a result of their medical treatment and not a day at the spa???? This brings me to my original question....who rescues the oblivious offender? Should I? Or must they serve some sort of social penance for their faux paux comparable to being placed in social purgatory where you are largely ignored and avoided for the remainder of the day??? I choose the later.... I admit it, I am a coward. Perhaps I was comforted in the knowledge that this person is known for their generally lack of tact and the offensive word vomit would largely be ignored and categorized as "consider the source". Either way you look at it, there is not one socially gracious way to remove anyone from such an uncomfortable situation. It's moments like these that make me an advocate for serving cocktails at work....
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
I just got an email today from my friend Carol who has spent the better part of the last 4 years(on again, off again) wasting her amazing self on her commitment reluctant boyfriend. Let's call him....Todd. Her New Year's resolution is to cut Todd out of her life completely so she can finally get over him and move on..... However, the plot continues to thicken as Todd's ex-girlfriend (let's call her Pocket) has decided to come back to town and attempt to rekindle the once luke warm flame of their love affair. So, we now go back to Todd making random excuses to Pocket while he tries to choreograph Carol's comings and goings from his house (complete with hiding any of Carol's personal items that may have been left lying about). Add to this mess the fact that they all work out in the same gym and you can just imagine the whole scene in one of those awful Spanish Telenovelas complete with raised eyebrows, pursed lips and heaving chests. So what does any of this have to do with me??? Nothing. But, it does make me appreciate the drama free relationship I am currently in. I have never believed in soul mates because it is ridiculous to think that you can go your entire life without falling in love with this person. Who says that your romantic partner needs to be your soulmate? I have always believed that my friends made much better soulmates than any boyfriends I have ever had. And for that matter, I don't believe that these soulmates are constant players in your life. I think they come in and out of your life changing you for the better and sometimes for the worst, but a lesson is almost always learned. So, I believe romantic relationships work better when those involved have more in common and irritate each other the least of all previous relationships. Not very romantic, but very practical. The only explanation I can come up with to understand why an amazing woman would spend this much time and energy on one person, is the actual addiction to how that person makes them feel when the relationship is going well and the challenge of trying to win them back when that love slips away time and time again. Since I consider Carol to be one of my soul mates, I will support and love her through this challange. Here's to all you ladies out there continuing to place bets on a fella that never pays out. Maybe a New Year's resolution has your name on it.....